The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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