he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
