I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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