im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
