Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
