Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!