I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.