Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.