she was so not down for the gang bang
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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