She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
