the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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