sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
