the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
