Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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