Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
