Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
