3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im holly from the hills drunk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
