I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Houston, we have a blender
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
