So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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