I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
