Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
