just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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