I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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