The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
