If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
