Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he puts the penis in happiness.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize