i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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