I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
