My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
