Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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