shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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