Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
