Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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