I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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