we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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