i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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