after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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