I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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