U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
