she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
