when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
