"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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