At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
