how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
