Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
