I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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