Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
