i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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