its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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