Can Purell be used as lube?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
