Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How's work?
Spinning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Houston, we have a squirter
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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