There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
