I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
