Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
