Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no you cant smoke seaweed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
