Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
