I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
