You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize