i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
