do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
