I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
