I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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