im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Say something about gay babies.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
