please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
