i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
