oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
