I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
