Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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