I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave