i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny