I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls